A True Story

On April 1 this year, I was sitting at a stop light on my way home from a camping trip. Thumbing through a stack of mail, I saw an envelope with a return address sticker from a Jason Fickling. Surely not Jason himself? I wondered as I stared in disbelief, and then decided, It must be from his parents. Maybe his father's first name is Jason, too, but he uses his middle name?

Around 36 years ago my parents met the Ficklings at church while living in Waxhaw, NC. The couples became special friends and over the years, every time my family went back to the U.S., we would get together with the Ficklings. They credit my parents with leading them into a relationship with the Lord. Their daughter and son were in between Charis and I in age. Even as an adult traveling without my parents, the Fickling house was a stop I continued to make. I loved listening to Sue's stories and eating her cooking. While I knew I had encountered Jason before, I had no memories of him. I knew he was out there somewhere, but aside from a few old childhood photos of us together, I had no connection with him.

I opened the envelope with great curiosity and my eyes bulged at the sight of a hand-written letter from the man himself! That night on skype with my mom, I said, “You’ll never guess who I got a letter from today.....” She was quiet, and when I told her, she didn’t look surprised. Odd. Instead she said,

“Well, I guess it’s time to fill you in on something,”

and she forwarded an email to me that she had sent to Jason’s mother a couple weeks earlier, suggesting that correspondence from her son might cheer me up in the rough time I was having. That was the heart of it, but there was more. The email had been signed by my mom, dad, and sister!

Jason’s short letter was no more than a simple attempt at encouragement. He closed it by saying,

“Don’t feel any obligation to write back. Only write back if you feel like it.”

Well, I felt like it!!! Over the next couple months, our SNAIL mail correspondence increased in volume and decreased in time intervals. I discovered he had lived a quiet life of working (diesel mechanic for FedEx Freight), eating, sleeping, reading, fly fishing, house cleaning, and a little carpentry. His parents forced him into a cell phone the year before, and in June, he entered the 21st century and bought a computer (against my protests, but I was soon glad he did! His ideas & decisions are usually better than mine), and created his first email address.

On June 11 I received a test email from Jason, and correspondence sky-rocketed from there. On June 15, I drove up to his parents’ house in Gastonia, NC for our first meeting that we both remember (he lives 20 miles from them). Six-foot-four met five-foot-three in a long bear hug, as if we had known each other all our lives. I had been a wreck through all our correspondence, wondering if I would have half the attraction to him in real life that I did through his writing. I need not have worried. He was everything I had imagined and more.

After talking around marriage over the months, the engagement became official on Friday, September 14.

That is the story in a very small nutshell. In some ways it is a fairy-tale, but as we have discovered, real life is hard, complicated, and not like the movies. If I wrote a novel, it would include:

• the miseries of a long-distance relationship (which has a few advantages too);
• the struggle for both of us mentally shifting from being happily single to considering marriage (he never had a desire for marriage, and I was convinced I never would marry);
• the astonishing number of little ways we are alike and the handful of major ways we are different (ex: globe-trotter vs. thoroughbred Carolina boy);
• things I love about him (maybe another post?);
• the huge changes that have been taking place in Jason’s life (his story to tell);
• and the journey for me in making up my mind (poor Jason, who quickly knows his mind).

It has been both a happy and agonizing journey. Now it is WONDERFUL to be past my slow decision-making process and engaged!

I am in awe of the treasure God has been unwrapping before me in this man, and cannot wait to marry him. A two-hour engagement period would have suited him; one month would have suited me, but it looks like the soonest we’ll be able to get my family to the U.S. will call for a December wedding. It will be small, but I hope to do a virtual (live-stream) wedding, so stay tuned!

My parents were coming to the U.S. this month for meetings, and decided to come several days earlier than planned in order to spend some time with Jason and myself and his parents. So we were able to celebrate the very special occasion together.

What a year for our family. Charis and I always told our parents we were fine with an arranged marriage––that we trusted them to choose for us. Mom and dad, you done real good.

(one of Charis' engagement photos)