On the 17th of June I got an email saying that a friend from my days in language school passed away the night before (American). I was shocked. He was 29, married just over 3 years and had a 2-year-old daughter. We used to go over to their home for celebrations, movies, and games all the time. A few days later, here in the village, my next-door neighbor's 5-year-old niece passed away from illness.
On the heels of that came news of life.... Friends who just went home to the U.S. to have their first child. On the same day I found out that a close friend is pregnant again after losing several pregnancies. It has been a bit of an emotional ride these last few weeks. The attitude of people here is one of, "We can't be surprised no matter how young or how healthy a person is who passes away. When it's their time, it's their time." While there is truth in that, let me cry! And yet, for my friend who passed away, I don't cry without hope.
It is odd, when lives have parted ways and moved on, then news like this suddenly comes. I feel guilty for continuing with life, guilty for laughing with my friends, because Phil is gone and what's more, Esther and Anna's lives have been turned upside-down overnight. But I feel guilty for NOT carrying on, because I feel as if I don't have a right to grieve--knowing that my grief is NOTHING compared to theirs or their family and close friends. But yet I think about it daily and still can't believe it's true and still cry at any picture, memory, or news from Esther. I do think grappling with the reality of death has made me love more fiercely as I look at the people around me.
Anyway, I don't know if I'm making any sense, just still trying to process a bit.
Here is a U-tube of a video from his memorial service:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsmisXYW06M and their family blog, which Esther has been updating regularly: http://www.eslip.blogspot.com/
No comments:
Post a Comment