from my journal

January 5, 2010

I am feeling a little depressed about being gone from the U.S. I think there is something about that freedom of being able to jump in the car at any time and drive in any direction for thousands of miles; so many friends and family in driving or plane/train distance; the wide open spaces; being able to just step outside (feeling a little claustrophobic at the moment in the 11th floor apartment); being able to call people pretty much whenever without giving thought to time zones; being able to purchase anything I desire at the store (availability, that is); the non-humid air (okay, that isn’t year round, and controlled temperatures drive me crazy, but still...); the reliable electricity; mountains seem so far away.... It’s as if there is imminent oppression looming over me—dress? Food choices? People interactions? Language? Location?... I do feel a bit trapped, like I don’t have options to do something else. I’m a finisher, and I don’t want to leave work undone. But at the same time, I feel like my mental/emotional timeline has expired, and my heart wants to move on, but there are no concrete alternatives beckoning to me....Tangents and rampages. Really I need to rest and recharge....